Dictionary For Womens Personal Ad's and Other funny stuff

[EB_5.0_WAGON]

Dictionary For Womens Personal Ad's
This is in NO WAY meant to be putting any females down at all


40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No Tits
Average Looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological Liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure - On Medication
Feminist - Fat
Free Spirit - Junkie
Friendship First - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body Hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy Drunk
Professional - ******
Voluptous - Very Fat
Large Frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul Mate - Stalker


Women's English

She Says She Means
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We Need = I Want
5. I am Sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We Need To Talk = You're in Trouble
7. Sure, Go Ahead = You Better Not
8. Do What You Want = You will pay for this later
9. I Am Not Upset = Of course im Upset you Moron
10. You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you think about.


Mens English

He Says He Means

1. I am Hungry = I am Hungry
2. I am Sleepy = I am Sleepy
3. I am Tired = I am Tired
4. Nice Dress = Nice Cleavage
5. I Love You = Let's have sex now
6. I am Bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I Have This Dance = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I Call You Sometime = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do You Want To Go To A Movie = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I Take You Out To Dinner = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those Shoes Don't Go With That Outfit = I Am Gay.

And Finally...

A recent scientific study has found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when sh is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissirs stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

[Riksta]

Very funny.

Have a gold star

[jaydee]

Oh brother, talking about hitting the nail on the head, every time too.
XClent

[XCSEDAN]

LMFAO
sooooooooooooo true man!
i love it... i think i might show my girl friend this then run LOL

[Hunter]

Haha comedy. I don't think I'll show this to my partner, I don't think she'd find it amusing (but I do!) hehe.

[RG]

So funny and so true.

[FRDGAL]

That's great! :

[GTS_300_Coupe]

Has anybody seen the drive through ATM article for men and women?
I read it ages ago in my local paper but cant really remember it correctly.

Went something like

Men:
- Pull up to ATM
- Stick card into ATM
- Type PIN and Cash
- Retrieve dispensed cash and card
- Leave

Women:
- Drive past ATM
- Reverse back
- Drive forward and attempt to align car up with ATM
- Turn off car and apply handbrake
- Empty contents of handbag onto passengers seat
- Search through purse for card
- Find card and insert into ATM
- Reinsert card correct way
- Search handbag contents again for PIN written on paper
- Type PIN
- Press clear and retype correct PIN
- Retrieve Dispensed cash and card
- Write amount on paper and place in purse
- Place contents of handbag back in
- Check hair in mirror
- Search handbag for lipstick
- Apply lipstick
- Give finger to irate male driver waiting behind
- Start car
- Restart car after stall
- Drive off
- Release handbrake 5km down the road

:

I hope the females on here dont mind a little casual humour. :

[TUF_302]

hahahaha!, god i almost wet my self!

[HLC]

oldie but goodie!!!!

[4.9 EF Futura]

Hahaha, harsh but funny!

[jaydee]

I showed it to my Mrs. then everything is black, the doc says once the swelling goes down I'll be able to see again.