Problems in NZ! (Joke...)

**Captain Stubing** · 21-10-2005, 11:46 PM

Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely
awoken at 4am by the telephone.

"Hillen, its the hilth munister here. Sorry to bother you
at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received
word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the
ground. It is istimated thet the entire New Zulland supply of
condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

"Shuuuuuut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with
all those unwanted babies - we'll be ruined!"

"We're going to hef to shup some in from abroad.

Britain?..."

"No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!"

"What about Australia?"

"Maybe - but we don't want them to know thet we are
stuck. You call John Howard - tell hum we need one moollion
condoms; ten enches long and eight enches thuck! That way
they'll know how bug the Kiwis really are!!"

Helen calls John, who agrees to help the Kiwis out in
their hour of need.

Three days later a van arrives in Auckland - full of
boxes. A delighted Helen rushes out to open the boxes. She
finds condoms; 10 inches long; 8 inches thick, all coloured
green and gold.

She then notices in small writing on each and every
one.........

MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE : MEDIUM

Steffo · 22-10-2005, 12:17 AM

: That's pretty funny.

Hardtopxb · 22-10-2005, 12:24 AM

Choice,swanny

**Captain Stubing** · 22-10-2005, 12:30 AM

Another one...

Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dad's for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think? "
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says, "No."
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"
He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

Hardtopxb · 22-10-2005, 12:42 AM

Yep another good one.. if you are not american we spell mom ..mum. we also pronounce it mum..

Smoked · 22-10-2005, 01:02 AM

hahahahahaha, poor kiwis, its great laughing at their expense.

M14A-Mclaren · 22-10-2005, 10:29 AM

Are you really bad at spelling or is that part of the joke?

Woz · 22-10-2005, 10:33 AM

The spelling has to do with the kiwi accent. It's part of the gag.

M14A-Mclaren · 22-10-2005, 10:48 AM

What the hell is Hilth? I've never heard anyone say that. But to be fair I've never been to taranaki.

Psycho Chicken · 22-10-2005, 10:54 AM

Hilth - health. Might also be pronounced hulth.

**Charliewool** · 22-10-2005, 12:02 PM

The accent made it!!..... Giggling away here reading aloud.... Great stuff Swanny

The Monty · 22-10-2005, 01:09 PM

Ha ha bloody ha. I work with a bunch of kiwis who are always on about "that" issue.

montyv8 · 22-10-2005, 06:20 PM

yes i must say ive never heard it pronounced that way.

but i have heard that joke a million times......

don't laugh too hard or you'll mess up your mullet

**Peuty** · 22-10-2005, 10:00 PM

hahaha damn Kiwi's! :P