Does anyone else have a partner that feels free to dip into their bank account?

[Auslandau]

We have races to see who can spend the money the quickest. Unfortunatly its "I'll spend what you do on the car". ........Why do women love shoes and handbags!!!!



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[Falcon_Phill]

If its only $100 i dont see much of a problem anyway.

[brenx]

Originally Posted by Falcon_Phill

If its only $100 i dont see much of a problem anyway.

It's quite a bit more than $100 on this occasion. Not going to go into exact figures. My wife has issues with money although it's vastly improved lately (3mths). Her total is closer to or is a six figure sum over the last 4 years. It's involved refinancing houses multiple times. I can't say a thing about it to the people who count as $ came from my accounts (not in her name). Records are in my name yet it wasn't me doing the withdrawals :( At the time of the withdrawals I was either @ work or asleep. Short story is money was withdrawn from other accounts my wife was not authorised for. All thats water under the bridge now anyway. It's pretty much sorted Not saying I'll put up with it but I'll try and help her.

[OLDFORDNUT]

Feathers,what you said about your mum sounds like a very sad relationship. Brenx, you need to sort this soon for your marriage to last im sorry to say,dishonesty is a real worry in a relationship,and i can tell you from past experience of mine and a few people i know that you are well down that road already,the very first sign is you making excuses for her when you are already angry at her, she is well aware of how to play the game as she is an addict,yes mate i said an addict.
drugs , drink, gambling.no matter what the addiction of choice they work out very quickly how to manipulate people. get help now you can not do it on your own.
please i am not having a go at you, everything you have said so far is the exact same thing my friends said when they started to realise what there husbands or wives were doing.worse thing is a close friend has wife who has maxed his credit cards out this year and got second mortgage on his home he owned 14 years before meeting her 8 years ago, silly bugger put house into both names for some reason(probably you dont love me line)now she wants a divorce as her lawyer told her she gets the house and he will have to pay the mortgage even though she took it out and she can sell house and go gamble again.

[GreenMachine]

I don't have this problem - like Casper, I give the Mrs almost all of my money (to be converted in to new pillows and tassels for the curtains - hence, the accumulation of this money is called "The Tassel Fund") and keep an allowance for myself- This way, I don't starve to death sitting on the floor of a house with no electricity, and she has a bountiful source of cash to buy new placemats with.

[MYV8]

Originally Posted by Bearman

I'm the spender here, I'm freaking hopeless!! Think nothing of maxing out credit cards and drawing on the mortgage.

My better half is a "debt is evil" type and does not spend anything she doesn't have.

When we met it was a case of opposites attract. We're engaged now and I've offered to hand everything over and get pocket money from her. Sounds pretty demeaning I know but I think it's sensible to allocate responsibilities to the individual strong points, in her case she's very good with the finances.

It's worked for me for 34 years.
When I was young, before I grew a brain, my life revolved around getting pi$$ed with my mates. Then my wife came along and took control financially and I am very happy. I work hard for us, we talk about things we need/want and generally it works out well. One of my daughters and her husband do the seperate account thing with their pay and have a lot of disagreements whereas the other daughter does the joint thing and they appear to be very happy with her in control. None of my family are gamblers which probably makes a big difference.

[gtfpv]

i think this can be serious . mediation and agreement is the best outcome here. you both have to feel comfortable . or bigger problems will arise . i wouldnt ever trust a gambler , so you have a right to make it clear . and if you are meore responsible it should favour you. ( the agreement) whilst being fair to her.
most marraiges have spenders and savers . the saver always suffers . but also some people only invest and save . then the family and other partners lifestyle suffer.
the thing for me . is if the moneys there after bills are paid for , whats it matter you only live once. but if you want money for a rainy day, then must be by agreement. money really isnt important , and sometimes its best to look the other way and not monitor it . but also you need to feel satisfied .
agreement and mediation is essential here . ( never underestimate a gambler either ) it can be very serious and shouldn't be overlooked . aside from that. agreement , agreement , agreement, or divorce. little problems are sometimes big ones if not dealt with and a cusccessfull outcome by agreement reached .
or you can always have a WTF attitude . m which can work too.

[blueoval]

I dont want to start a flame war here but I am of the mind that a discussion of money will always be made between both parties, but the final decision is made with the MAIN money earner.

For instance, my wife was the main bread winner for the first 2-3years of our married relationship, I was only part time working and she made the decisions as to were the money was spent etc. but now the roles have changes for about 4 years, I am the main bread winner and she barely works at all now, we still have joint discussions as to what is spent were but as the MAIN bread earner, I have the final say.

Now Im not saying this is the best situation for all couples but I feel it is the fairest as far as earning money is concerned. Sure she pulls her weight around the house, and I compliment her on that everyday, she has a cooked meal for me when I get home, the washing is done, and I get looked after pretty well, it doesnt go unnoticed or unappreciated. Plus I help out where I can if there is stuff to be done around the house.

I beleive you can have a good relationship and be able to enjoy you cash if both parties are willing to give and take.