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28-06-2006, 10:19 PM
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I build your wish list...
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Country Victoria
Posts: 4,484
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A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on The counter and
sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.. The Man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it! He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?" "Well... you pay ten dollars... and IF you pass three tests you get all the money!!!" The man certainly isn't going to pass this up! "What are the three tests?" "Pay FIRST..." says the bartender... "Those are the rules." So the man give him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar... OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do... FIRST: You have to drink that ENTIRE GALLON of pepper tequila the WHOLE thing, all at ONCE... and you CAN'T make a face while doing it... SECOND: There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth...You have to REMOVE the tooth with your BARE HANDS... THIRD: There's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has NEVER reached orgasm during intercourse.. You've gotta MAKE THINGS RIGHT for her." The man is stunned... "I KNOW I paid my 10 bucks... but I'm not an IDIOT! I WON'T DO IT!!! You have to be NUTS to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those OTHER THINGS!!!" Your call," says the bartender, "but your MONEY stays where it is.." The man has a few drinks... then a few more... Finally...he asks, "WHERRRRE'S ZAAAT TEQUIIIILA?!" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp...Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face... Next... he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up... The people inside the bar hear a HUGE, NOISY SCUFFLE going on outside.. They hear the pit bull barking... the guy screaming... the pit bull yelping... and then SILENCE. Just when they think the man SURELY must be dead, he staggers back into the bar .. with his shirt ripped... and large, bloody scratches all over his body... "NOW........ He says...... WHARES THE OLD WOMAN WITH THE SORE TOOTH?!?!?!" |
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28-06-2006, 10:21 PM
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Heart of Blue
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ACT
Posts: 322
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Hahaha I like it. The poor pitbull!!
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2004 BA XR8 Ute - Blood Orange - Love it! |
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28-06-2006, 10:43 PM
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I build your wish list...
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Country Victoria
Posts: 4,484
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Ted wanted to screw a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else...
One day he got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $1000 dollars if you let me screw you....but the girl said NO. Ted said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend..... so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened..... She said "The bastard used coins" Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed
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If it weren’t for physics and the law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
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28-06-2006, 10:43 PM
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Banned
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,516
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Due to a power failure, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold the torch above her mother so that he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was told.
The mother pushed and pushed and after a little while the baby was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. The baby began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack his @rse again!" |
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28-06-2006, 10:55 PM
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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all good double thumbs!!
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28-06-2006, 11:08 PM
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Heart of Blue
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ACT
Posts: 322
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Keep em coming!
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2004 BA XR8 Ute - Blood Orange - Love it! |
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28-06-2006, 11:09 PM
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Rocket Fuel Anyone?
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Adelaide, S.A.
Posts: 1,099
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Hahahaha, funny shyte. Especially the second one. I already knew the first one.
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28-06-2006, 11:43 PM
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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not sure I have posted this before, have elsewhere but here goes.... i did search but did not find it.
Not sure if you heard this one, but I laughed when I read it... A guy walks into a toys store to buy his daughter a barbie doll The sales assistant asks the guy what he is after and he responds I'll like to see your collection of barbie dolls as I want to buy one for my 5yr old daughters birthday. the assistant, walks down the isles to the doll section and says here's our collection of barbie dolls... the man looks in amazement all the different types of barbies, with all there different cloths and accessories.. He then notices the prices of the Barbie's Athletic Barbie $49.95 Ballet Barbie $49.95 Outdoor Barbie $49.95 Rock star Barbie $49.95 Glamour Barbie $49.95 Princess Barbie $49.95 . . . Then he notices a rather plain looking one called Ex-Barbie $129.95 he asks the assistant, why is Ex-barbie is so much compared to the others and the assistant responses Oh that kens ex wife!, shes so expensive, because she comes with kens house, kens car, kens computer, kens big screen TV, and kens best friend! |
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29-06-2006, 12:17 AM
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Purveyor of filth
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 2,958
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vely phunny
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Wednesdays joke
Linear Mode
