Memo from the IT dept...

[Matty_XR6]

Bit long but i`m sure some you can relate.

Things to keep in mind about the IT department.

When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, and stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from our video recording.

When an IT person says s/he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to Remember 300 screen saver passwords.

When IT Support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your problems right out. We don't even like eating food, we exist only to serve.

Send urgent e-mail all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

When we do something as a favour in our own time at our own expense, feel free to criticise us.

That's OK, we don't expect you to lift anything or get under your desk. Manual labour was part of our IT degree.

When the photocopier doesn't work, call Computer Support. There's electronics in it.

When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call Computer Support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what is meant by "my thingy blew up".

When you call someone in to fix a problem -but don't tell them about the other 10 problems until they physically arrive. That's OK -we can clear our schedule for the rest of the day.

Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

When your application can't do what you want... blame us, we write all the software that runs on your PC and can customise it on the fly. Bill Gates lets us do this.

Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think -he has seen every problem before.

If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.

If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/NT/network upgrade.

Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner of their desk and stare at them until they hang up.

Regards,
Your IT Department

[XRated]

ROFL!! Nice, very nice!

[Thunder]

Priceless! :

You forgot the most important rule. Always blame the IT department for their failure to block viruses and spam mail generated from porn site you visit.

I can realte to nearly every one of those, funny stuff!

[RED_EL_XR8]

AND YES WE DO KNOW YOUR EMAIL IS NOT WORKING!!! Funny that and during a blackout and all.

[Stealth00]

Top stuff very funny

[BlueRaven]

I've read that before, but yeah... its not far off

[Matty_XR6]

Had a blinder the other day.....

Customer: I can`t connect to the internet
Me: What are the lights on the modem doing?
Cust: Nothing it is still in the box!

and another

Cust calls up can`t conn to the internet
Cust: I have a wireless modem and can`t connect
Me: what brand modem
Cust: It`s a speedtouch 530 (for those that don`t know this is far from wireless)
Me: Thats not a wireless modem
Cust had it sitting by the computer no power cords, ethernet cords.. NOTHING
She thought that just by sitting it by the computer she would get a connection to the internet.

[nang3]

hehe one of our clients had a prob once, so they called us etc.. we said take a screen dump of the error messages and email them..

well obviously that was too complicated and about a week later we received photographs in the mail of said error msg mwahaha

[Matty_XR6]

I have so many it`s not funny... well it is but still LOL can just go all day

[Feathers]

Originally Posted by Matty_XR6

If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/NT/network upgrade.

You mean the spacebar isn't the place where you order drinks on the Starship Enterprise??

For someone who knows 4/5 of SFA about computers, I manage to fix more problems in my store systems than our IT support team.

[GreenMachine]

Remember the IT Dept rules though

- Be as condescending as possible at all times - you slogged through 6 months of TAFE - it's your right!
- Remember to explain simple functions in complex terms - this is what protects your job security
- Never respond to a problem promptly - Users appreciate working equipment more when they have to wait for it.
- Where possible, blame-shift. Telstra, Microsoft, ISP's and that all-time favourite "The Server" are all likely targets...



let's just hope nothing goes wrong with my computer... ever.

[Stealth00]

smartarse

My TAFE course went for 2 years :nutsycuck

[deesun]

Originally Posted by Matty_XR6

If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/NT/network upgrade.

Myspacebarfelloff6monthsago.nana:

[vztrt]

Thanks for the advice Matty, I'll follow all the rules that were discussed in the letter/e-mail.

[8pAc]

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

Remember the IT Dept rules though

- Be as condescending as possible at all times - you slogged through 6 months of TAFE - it's your right!
- Remember to explain simple functions in complex terms - this is what protects your job security
- Never respond to a problem promptly - Users appreciate working equipment more when they have to wait for it.
- Where possible, blame-shift. Telstra, Microsoft, ISP's and that all-time favourite "The Server" are all likely targets...



let's just hope nothing goes wrong with my computer... ever.

Gee thats a bit harsh....

6 months of tafe your techie would be asking you how to fix most of the problems lol. Also i have had heaps of Telstras Golden ups ruin my day before so dont count them.... any other of those excuses well maybe he has only had 6 months of TAFE hehehe. Also Damn staight you appreciate you pc when you have to wait ;) hhehehehe but we all just cant drop everything and rush to your side because the office assistent doesnt work. :

[Sagerian]

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

Remember the IT Dept rules though

- Be as condescending as possible at all times - you slogged through 6 months of TAFE - it's your right!
- Remember to explain simple functions in complex terms - this is what protects your job security
- Never respond to a problem promptly - Users appreciate working equipment more when they have to wait for it.
- Where possible, blame-shift. Telstra, Microsoft, ISP's and that all-time favourite "The Server" are all likely targets...



let's just hope nothing goes wrong with my computer... ever.

Hey I know I'm an elitist, but that's only because I know I'm elite. The meek shall inherit whatever we bloody well give them I say.


Great rules Matty, very accurate.

[Feathers]

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

Remember the IT Dept rules though

- Be as condescending as possible at all times - you slogged through 6 months of TAFE - it's your right!
- Remember to explain simple functions in complex terms - this is what protects your job security
- Never respond to a problem promptly - Users appreciate working equipment more when they have to wait for it.
- Where possible, blame-shift. Telstra, Microsoft, ISP's and that all-time favourite "The Server" are all likely targets...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now I know how the Woolies helpdesk operate!!!
Except most of them don't go to TAFE or anything. They have the tutorials with step by step instructions on their computers.

The first one is so true.

Can you tell I hate our Helpdesk??

[clontarf_x]

My favourite at work was

Customer: I cant browse webpages
Me: Ok check the cables to make sure they are plugged in
*Customer rustles around*
Me: They all plugged in?
Customer: Yeah, I've plugged my modem (56k) into the router and the router into my network card. I still cant browse anything...
Me: *chortle*

I work for iiNet and you get some funny ones :P

[Sagerian]

Originally Posted by Feathers

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now I know how the Woolies helpdesk operate!!!
Except most of them don't go to TAFE or anything. They have the tutorials with step by step instructions on their computers.

The first one is so true.

Can you tell I hate our Helpdesk??

I turned down a team leader role for the woolies helpdesk after meeting some of the staff. I feel for you I really do.

[Feathers]

I've fixed up all the stickers we have near the phones for the "helpdesk"
They are now referred to as the "No Help Desk".

Though the Buying and Marketing team are worse. No matter what time of the day I call, or what department I'm after they are all at morning tea, not at their desks, or at lunch.
And thats after being on hold, listening to the woolies theme musak for 7 minutes, even though it's my second call in 20 minutes because they hung up on me the first time I called and held on for 9 mins!!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then you get told that they don't know, can't answer your question, but will send somone an email and they will call you back eventually. :

[max^power]

I'll be putting that on my office door tomorrow!

[XD 351 Ute]

Hee. I have the number for our helpdesk in Brisbane memorised.
Our company thought it much more efficient and cost effective to place our IT department 6 hours away.......... It's quite amusing when we are told to 'just log your probelm on the system' when it has already crashed.....

I feel their pain, I really do!

Ed

[Captain Stubing]

I found it funny, when I got an IT guru out to fix a multitude of problems. He sat down at the computer, logged in as 'administrator', stood up and said, "There you are, go for it!"

Got it fixed

[Matty_XR6]

Originally Posted by XD 351 Ute

Hee. I have the number for our helpdesk in Brisbane memorised.
Our company thought it much more efficient and cost effective to place our IT department 6 hours away.......... It's quite amusing when we are told to 'just log your probelm on the system' when it has already crashed.....

I feel their pain, I really do!

Ed

My mate`s boss is paying some dude in QLD to fix all his problems via remote access..... My mate is in canberra

[Sagerian]

Originally Posted by Feathers

I've fixed up all the stickers we have near the phones for the "helpdesk"
They are now referred to as the "No Help Desk".

Though the Buying and Marketing team are worse. No matter what time of the day I call, or what department I'm after they are all at morning tea, not at their desks, or at lunch.
And thats after being on hold, listening to the woolies theme musak for 7 minutes, even though it's my second call in 20 minutes because they hung up on me the first time I called and held on for 9 mins!!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then you get told that they don't know, can't answer your question, but will send somone an email and they will call you back eventually. :

Oh that a shocker.

Heh, have you ever noticed that the woolworth's jingle is actualy Rudolf the red nose reindeer?

[Thunder]

Originally Posted by Stealth00

smartarse

My TAFE course went for 2 years :nutsycuck

How many times did you repeat the course? :evil_laug

[Stealth00]

lol, i've just found smartarse number 2

[Stealth00]

Just a test (Hmmm my post counter seems to be stuck)

I wonder if it would work if I was at Holden forums

[Matty_XR6]

Originally Posted by Stealth00

Just a test (Hmmm my post counter seems to be stuck)

I wonder if it would work if I was at Holden forums

Thought it only went up in threads that counted.. i figured "the bar" was a spam type thread and posts didn`t count as mine took a while to budge to