You know you're Australian if....

[csv8]

You know you're Australian if....

You know the meaning of 'girt'

You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk

You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin

You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse

When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom

You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds

You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'

You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'

You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional

You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'

You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep

You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'

You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place

You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin

You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'

You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread

You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis

You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'

You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'

You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year

You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'

You wear ugg boots outside the house

You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them

Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language

You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is alway polite

You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose

You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'

You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle

Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket

You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'

You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'

When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit

You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered

You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction

When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer

You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second

You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.


´

[strike]

Wow I cant believe how many of those I can relate too. ha ha

[Geez Louise]

Me too. That is good!

[xr8 utey]

onya cobber! thats better than a poke in ya eye with a blunt stick

[[Tonko]]

What questions are on that citizenship test? or is that some big secret?
Somone told me you can do it in nearly any language too, kinda defies the point dosent it....

[Geez Louise]

I got sent the test from a friend of mine that works at the immigration department. Will see if I can locate it. The questions change - you need to answer 20. They have 200 on their database.

Has a few questions on it that I didn't even know!! Some Aussie I would make!

[Geez Louise]

This is the test I got sent ages ago when it was first implemented.

1. Which colours are represented on the Australian flag?
a. Green and yellow
b. Red, black and yellow
c. Blue, red and white
d.Orange and purple

2. Indigenous people have lived in Australia for …
a. At least 40,000 years
b. About 8000 years
c. About 800 years
d. Less that 400 years

3. Australia’s national flower is the …
a. Rose
b. Wattle
c. Kangaroo paw
d. Banksia

4. Which is a popular sport in Australia?
a. Ice hockey
b. Water polo
c. Cricket
d. Table tennis 5. Australia’s political system is a …
a. Parliamentary democracy
b. Monarchy
c. Dictatorship
d. Socialist state

6. The Capital of Australia is…
a. Sydney
b. Melbourne
c. Hobart
d.Canberra

7. Which animals are on the Australian Coat of Arms?
a. Wombat and echidna
b. Kangaroo and emu
c. Kangaroo and dingo
d. Lion and unicorn

8. Where did the first European settlers to Australia come from?
a. Spain
b. France
c. England
d.Ireland

9. Who is Australia’s head of state?
a. Prime Minister John Howard
b. Queen Elizabeth II
c. Governor General Michael Jeffery
d. Premier Steve Bracks

10. Who was the first Prime Minister of Australia?
a. Sir Edmund Barton
b. Sir Henry Parkes
c. John Curtin
d. Sir Robert Menzies

11. What song is Australia’s national anthem?
a. God Save the Queen
b. Star Spangled Banner
c. Advance Australia Fair
d. Waltzing Matilda

12. What do you call the elected head of a state government?
a. Governor
b. Premier
c. Mayor
d. Prime Minister

13. Which federal political party or parties are in power?
a. Australian Labor Party
b. Australian Democrats and the Australian Greens
c. National Party
d. Liberal Party and National Party

14. Which of the following are Australian values?
a. Men and women are equal
b. `A fair go’
c. Mateship
d. All of the above

15. Australia’s values are based on the …
a. Teachings of the Koran
b. The Judaeo-Christian tradition
c. Catholicism
d. Secularism

16. What does Anzac Day commemorate?
a. The Gallipoli landing
b. Armistice Day
c. The Battle of the Somme
d. Victory in the Pacific

17. In what year did the first European settlers arrive?
a. 1801
b. 1770
c. 1788
d. 1505

18. How many states are there in Australia?
a. 5
b. 6
c. 7
d. 8

19. Australian soldiers fought in …
a. World War I and World War II
b. Korean War
c. Vietnam War
d. All of the above

20. What is Australia’s biggest river system?
a. The Murray Darling
b. The Murrumbidgee
c The Yarra
d. The Mississippi

[ZDHLANE]

Not bad! Not bad at all.

[Mr Hardware]

IN GENERAL

1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.
2. Even alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.

DATING

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATRE ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.
2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

[TC200six]

Originally Posted by csv8

You know you're Australian if....

You know the meaning of 'girt'

You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk

You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin

You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse

When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom

You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds

You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'

You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'

You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional

You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'

You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep

You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'

You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place

You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin

You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'

You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread

You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis

You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'

You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'

You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year

You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'

You wear ugg boots outside the house

You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them

Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language

You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is alway polite

You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose

You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'

You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle

Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket

You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'

You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'

When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit

You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered

You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction

When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer

You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second

You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

That's good, I can relate.

Originally Posted by csv8

You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'

You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'

Also something can be added to that and that is you pronounce Brisbane as 'Briz-ben'

[Mr Hardware]

uh, that's how you do pronounce brisbane.

hahaha too true mate

[burnz]

4 X bee'sdick's = a poofteinth

[xbgs351]

Originally Posted by csv8

You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'

A real Australian knows that 'ewes' are male sheep.

People that don't have two neurons to rub together believe that the plural of 'you' is 'youse' and that 'it's' needs an apostrophe.

[davez104]

Originally Posted by xbgs351

A real Australian knows that 'ewes' are male sheep.

People that don't have two neurons to rub together believe that the plural of 'you' is 'youse' and that 'it's' needs an apostrophe.

OK, always thought I was a real Australian. But I also thought a ewe was a FEmale sheep, not male, and that it's can have an apostrophe if it's short for "it is". eg This is my Commodore, it's pretty slow because its engine is a piece of cr@p.

Cheers,
Dave.

[xbgs351]

Originally Posted by davez104

OK, always thought I was a real Australian. But I also thought a ewe was a FEmale sheep, not male, and that it's can have an apostrophe if it's short for "it is". eg This is my Commodore, it's pretty slow because its engine is a piece of cr@p.

Cheers,
Dave.

Hook, line & sinker

[LOCO XP]

got him xbgs351... lol... was waiting for somebody to bite

[boss-290]

Originally Posted by Laser '81

That's good, I can relate.

Also something can be added to that and that is you pronounce Brisbane as 'Briz-ben'

Or "Can-Bra"

[LTDHO]

Mel-Bin???
Maybe if you are from New Zealand..

It's Mel-burn

[davez104]

Fair dinkum sucked in ay.

[GUTLES]

Originally Posted by csv8

When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer

Yep, I can relate to this!

[JamesR]

well i guess im not an Australian...
i dont think i can relate to any of that list.

[xbgs351]

Originally Posted by LOCO XP

got him xbgs351... lol... was waiting for somebody to bite

I was wondering wether or not anybody would notice.

[mrxy8]

Originally Posted by Laser '81

Also something can be added to that and that is you pronounce Brisbane as 'Briz-ben'

I always thought that Brisbane was pronounced Briz-nee-land, or Briz-vay-gus!

[cheek]

you can tell if ur a queenslander if you say ay after EVERYTHING!!!!!!AY

[Yellow_Festiva]

You know you're Australian if you see nothing wrong with sneaking to the next door neighbours bin (Usually a retired couple) in the cover of darkness to dispose of your excess rubbish and amber bottles.

You know you're an Aussie if you strapped a milk crate to the handle bars of your bike as a youngin. (Generally used to carry all the 'good stuff' you collected during the annual council garbage pickup).

[290v]

if you pass the Citizenship test

[davez104]

Originally Posted by cheek

you can tell if ur a queenslander if you say ay after EVERYTHING!!!!!!AY

Aw, c'mon, now you're just takin the p!$$
































AY. :