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The Bar For non Automotive Related Chat |
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#1 | ||
Blood, sweat & tears
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Sunshine Coast, QLD
Posts: 463
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Man in VN commodore drives to wreckers for some spare parts, walks up to counter, have you got a..... man behind counter looks over at VN and interrupts.. "nah we're full up right now buddy, thanks but no thanks"
yo muma so fat when she see a big Mack truck she ask the driver if she can have one (varient would be, asks driver why his hair isn't red anymore) they are really crap jokes but I made them up when i was on the toilet so you get that ![]() |
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#2 | |||
...fairly odd
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: mcdonalds college of hamburger knowledge
Posts: 901
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Quote:
__________________
1992 EB Falcon 5.0 V8. mods; dust, dirt, cobwebs, scratches, trolley dents, dented bonnet, gutter scrapes, rattly exhaust, and floor mats.
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#3 | ||
Freudian Slippers
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 103
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A seal walks into a club. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says "Pint please, and one for the road."
__________________
1995 EF Falcon - "Lilith" // JMM "Street Fighter" Headers // JMM 2.5" Mandrel Bent Exhaust // JMM Ignition Leads // JMM Hi-Performance Valve Springs // Mandrel bent intake // K&N Pod Filter // 17" x 8" GT wheels // 130+ rwkw |
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#4 | ||
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,516
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Q. What do you call a fly without wings?
A. A walk Q. What did one fly say to the other fly? A. Your man is down FF |
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#5 | ||
......
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Northside Brisbane
Posts: 2,494
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a blonde , brunette and redhead decide that swimming a 50 mt lap of breaststroke will finally give them an indication to whos the smarter
the brunette finishes first the red head a few seconds later half an hour lata the blonde pulls herself from the pool panting "you guys cheated...you used your arms!!!" |
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#6 | ||
......
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Northside Brisbane
Posts: 2,494
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ho wmany babies does it take to change a lightbulb??
whats a lightbulb? |
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#7 | ||
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,516
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Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
A. Shine a torch in her ear FF |
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#8 | |||
......
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Northside Brisbane
Posts: 2,494
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Quote:
how do you a create wind tunnel? line up half a dozen blondes before you blondes get ya skirt twisted my gf's blonde and i mean no disresepct |
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#9 | |||
Blood, sweat & tears
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Sunshine Coast, QLD
Posts: 463
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Quote:
3 female Construction workers are working on a buildings rooftop.. Blonde woman, american woman and lets just say a mexican woman (I cant quite remember) Smoko bell goes off and they all sit down to eat.. american woman opens her lunchbox.. "oh no not another friggin hotdog.. If my husband makes me one more hotdog for lunch im guna kill myself!" mexican woman opens her lunchbox... "oh no. taco's again!!! if my husband makes me taco's for lunch ONCE MORE im guna kill myself!!!" blond woman opens her lunchbox "Oh no, not vegemite sandwiches.. If i get these once more..im going to kill myself as well" next day they are back at work and lunch times comes... American woman opens her lunchbox and has hotdogs.. shes so damn angry she jumps straight off the side of the building killing herself Mexican woman opens her lunchbox... she has taco's.. shes so angry she jumps off the building too Blonde opens her lunchbox.. has a think about what she said the day prior and sticks with it.. she runs and jumps straight off the building killing herself Funeral comes and all the husbands are sitting around sad and thinking about why they'd kill them selfs.. Mexicans husband says "i think it's because i made her taco's everday".. american ladies husband admits "yes.. i too made her the same thing everyday" The blondes husband scratches his head with a puzzled look on his face and says.. but my wife packs her own lunch. oh man all that typing for such a lame joke ![]() |
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#10 | ||
......
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Northside Brisbane
Posts: 2,494
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an aussie english and amercian get stuck in the desert due to no fuel
they decide splitting up for help is the best option and all should take some sort of equipment for survival the englishman takes the food the american take the water the aussie proceeds to rip off the car door leavin the american and englishment stunned what are you doing that for? aussie)well i figure if it gets too hot on the trek i can always wind down the window yes stupid...i don't know any clean funny jokes |
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#11 | ||
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: GOsFORD Central Coast NSW
Posts: 1,930
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The dyslexic (spell?) satanist says "there is no Dog"
your mama so fat they call her eclipse |
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#12 | |||
......
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Northside Brisbane
Posts: 2,494
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Quote:
variation...the dyslexic aetheist insomniac lays in bed all night wondering if there really is a dog |
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#13 | |||
Blood, sweat & tears
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Sunshine Coast, QLD
Posts: 463
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Quote:
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#14 | ||
Blood, sweat & tears
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Sunshine Coast, QLD
Posts: 463
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Young man has his hair spiked in all directions and different colours.. red, yellow, green etc
He's walking through the park when he notices an old man sitting on a chair and staring at him... at first he ignores it.. but after a while he can't help himself he walks over to the old man and says "whats wrong old man, never done anything wild in your life?" the old man replies "Got drunk at a party once and had ___ with a parrot, was wondering if you were my son" |
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#15 | |||
ANYWHERE ANYTIME
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: IN THE PACK
Posts: 14
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Quote:
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#16 | |||
Blood, sweat & tears
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Sunshine Coast, QLD
Posts: 463
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Quote:
:SaiyanSmi |
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#17 | ||
Has Blue Blood
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,551
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2 yound constables out on patrol one day , spot a hells angel walking down the sidewalk, draging a peice of chain. Thinking something untoward is happening they stop and confront the biker . One cop askes why the biker is draging the chain down the street ? The biker looks at the chain, looks at the cop and says, " Have you ever tried pushing one !!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
Real cars dont wear bowties I'm not arrogent , Just superior
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#18 | ||
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 12,077
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Two tigers strolling through the jungle.
One says to the other "I heard that Lions have sex 10 times a day". The other replys "Bugger, I just joined APEX". |
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#19 | ||
......
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Northside Brisbane
Posts: 2,494
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pete the boss is a local labourer and needed a strong but dim witted person
so he calls upon the village idiot steve pete.." steve i need you to go to the tree under the bridge half a K east and tie up all the kangaroos you can catch" steve " no worries boss" 3 hours later steve call pete steve " boss i caught a pig" boss" "you what?" steve " i caught pig.. what should i do?" boss" ohh just tie him up and throw him in the back with the roos steve " already done that boss...what should i do with the helmet and motorcycle" i had to cut it down and edit it due to racial complications |
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#20 | |||
Blood, sweat & tears
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Sunshine Coast, QLD
Posts: 463
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Quote:
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#21 | ||
It'll Buff Out.
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Newcastle NSW
Posts: 1,298
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Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant.
__________________
When life hands you lemons, take them. Free stuff is awesome. |
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#22 | ||
It's Cat huntin season...
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Wagga Wagga
Posts: 515
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Q. Why did the plane crash?
A. The Pilot was a loaf of bread Two blondes are sitting on a Gold Coast beach at night looking at the moon. One asks the question "What do you think is closer, the Moon or Melbourne?" The other blonde replied, "Can you see Melbourne from Here!!"
__________________
XRB055 - Black BA MkII XR8 Ute. 6 Speed manual, Leather seats, hard lid. To do list - Cat back exhaust, new wheels, new shock and front sway bar, and whatever else seems like a good idea Old Ride XR40RD - Phantom BA XR6 160 rear wheel killer wasps - Pacemakers - 3" HiFlo Cat - 2.5 Redback exhaust - 18" Speedy Graphite Rims - Dumped on King Superlows - Standard ICC with iPod cradle, 5x7" Boston Acoustics, 12 Alpine sub powered by 4 channel Alpine amp |
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#23 | ||
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,516
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Q. Why was the Irish man on the roof?
A. Because somebody told him that drinks were on the house. FF |
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#24 | |||
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 432
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Quote:
q.) Why did the boy lay infront of a train a.) Chest of drawers. |
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#25 | |||
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,304
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Quote:
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#26 | ||
Has Blue Blood
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,551
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A young lady is driving down a country road one day when she accidentaly runs over a rabbit! A few seconds later a travelling salesman stops to find her kneeling by the lifeless rabbit crying her eyes out ! She is all upset about the rabbit and askes the salesman to do something, anything !
He tells her to hold on a sec , and bolts to the back of his car and returns with a pressurised spray can and quickly sprays it over the rabbit! After a few seconds the rabbit starts moving a little , then a bit more and after 30 seconds it is on its feet again! It sniffs around for a second and to the amazemnet of the 2 it starts hopping away. It hpes about 50 metters away , then stops all of a sudden , looks back at them and gives them a little wave . The young lady blinks in disbelief as it starts to hop away again and she turns to see the bloke standing there watching the rabbit with a job well done smirk on his face . she looks at the rabbit again just in time to see it stop, turn , and wave again , then hopping away again. She says " That is unbeleivable! Who the hell are you ?" The bloke replies that he is a traveling salesman to beauty shops and barbers and he sells this stuff, and holds up the can for her to see. She looks at the can and reads , HAIR RESTORER, with a permenant wave .
__________________
Real cars dont wear bowties I'm not arrogent , Just superior
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#27 | |||
CRAZY ABOUT FORDS
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: MIAMI,FLORIDA
Posts: 15
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#28 | ||
krunch krunch hsv 4 lunch
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: hangin with Chopper at Bojangles
Posts: 1,100
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Doberman and the Chihuahua
There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed." The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pinscher?" He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good." The guy at the door says, "Come on in." The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the hell," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?" |
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#29 | ||
XF 393 3v CHI heads
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Perth
Posts: 1,437
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q:why did the boy fall off the swing??
a:he had no arms and legs Q: why did the little girl fall off her bike? a: someone threw a fridge at her |
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#30 | ||||
Previously ScottishXC
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Sydney
Posts: 2,100
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Quote:
Beauty!! That was right up my street!! Hahahahaha! ![]()
__________________
Great transactions with the following members: BJ Gilesie XAGTCoupe Pilch Aussie_afroman Donut King Bad Boy Benny BAWITHLOT Greenmachine Pinkbits CUZ351 OhioXB Falconunbelievable 4VXC Uncleraggy FG G6 Ego, tech pack, Tropic gold 1973 Landau, Cosmic blue 1975 P5 LTD....long term project Quote:
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